Licensed funeral director and embalmer Jane Ludlow delivered the commencement address to the graduating class of her alma mater, Cincinnati College of Mortuary Science.  In it, Ludlow shares with the class advice that can serve as reminders to any death care professionals who serve grieving families.  Below is an excerpt.

During my 16 years in the funeral profession, things have changed.  More important than the changes are the things that have remained the same and are a backbone of the profession you and I have committed to.  These are what I would ask you to remember not just this morning but every day of your meaningful career.

Death is scary and mysterious for most people.  There are 12,544 books on Amazon.com trying to explain the enigma of death and dying. You have been embalming bodies for the past 12 months, so the fear and mystery of death have subsided for you.  But let me tell you this: for 16 years I have seen people watch their children, parents, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters die.  It is never easy for them and they are always frightened.  You are here to ease their fear.  This task should be as important to you as choosing the right fluids for embalming. 

You need to reassure them that it is okay to be afraid, but that with some good sleep, the company of their family, a shower and something to eat, their fear will dissolve into a need to act and a desire to get something done.  The fear that they had will be replaced by a desire to work at recovery.  And when this happens, you will see the second thing that hasn’t changed in years:

Everyone dealing with the death of someone they love feels a need to keep their mind and hands busy.  The moment someone dies, the family feels they have to get to work on the funeral arrangements.  It is a process that gives them a sense of control at a time when they feel control has been out of their reach.  To most it makes no difference which day it is. But the truth is that even in this day and age, there is very little a funeral director is able to finalize on a Sunday or outside of traditional business hours.  Florists are closed, printers are closed, the casket company will ask you to leave your order on their voice mail.  The cemetery office is closed, priests and ministers are usually unavailable because of Sunday morning and evening services.  While you are able to send a notice into the newspaper, until dates and times are confirmed with the minister and the cemetery, the death notice can't be finalized. 

Although there is little to be done, let me assure you, it will be imperative that you come in to the funeral home on a Sunday to make arrangements.  Your family needs you to be there.  If they are like most families that have held vigil watching a life end, they are now facing the horrible realization: “I don’t know what to do”.  You are the one they turn to for guidance.  You will take an oath to care for them.  You will make it possible for them to feel as if they have some control.  And for this, I promise you, they will be grateful.  This brings me to the third thing that hasn’t changed in years:

When someone dies, the family needs a funeral director.  They do not need a funeral planner or a grief coach.  Not a caterer, event planner or concierge.  They need a funeral director.  You need to direct them with your knowledge and understanding.  You have been here before; chances are they have not.  They need someone who has the ability and the calm confidence to come into a room where a dead person is lying and earn their trust.  Assure them that you know what the next step needs to be and that you will help them make decisions and get through the upcoming days. They don’t know what to do.  Direct them.  They are going to pay you a non-declinable service fee.  Serve them.  Give them their money’s worth.  Show them how to take one step.  Then show them how to take one more.  Before they realize it you will have started them on their way.  You will have directed them toward their healing.  You will have lived up to your oath.  You will have acted as a funeral director.  

What I want to say to all of you graduating today is that our profession is necessary.  Our profession is important. Our profession is commendable. You should be proud of your accomplishment in graduating from Cincinnati College of Mortuary Science and proud that you are entering a profession that holds so much respect.  You are getting ready to embark on a career in the “Death Care Industry”.  Most will believe you are caring for the dead.  We know that you are caring for the living. 

Jane Ludlow is a licensed Funeral Director and Embalmer.  A 1996 graduate of the Cincinnati College of Mortuary Science, she is employed by Thomas-Justin Funeral Home in Cincinnati, where she also manages its Kenwood location.  She has been dually licensed since 1997 and earned her designation of CFSP in 2006.  She is an adjunct instructor at CCMS and sits on its CAP Committee.  Additionally, she serves on the Mortuary Response Team, Legislative Committee and the Scholastic Assistance Committee with the Ohio Funeral Director's Association and serves as the Treasurer for the Greater Cincinnati Funeral Service Professionals Association.